Once More

April brings up a host of feelings for me. Warmer weather begins, which I love. Easter is often in April, infusing this month with the hope of Christ’s resurrection and the destruction of death. For now, death is still a reality we face, and April 2009 is when my dad died.

Dad’s death has two anniversaries in a way. He died on April 10th, which also happened to be Good Friday, the day Jesus died. Since the date of Good Friday varies year to year based on the date of Easter, we remember my dad’s death on April 10th and also on whatever date Good Friday falls that year. Despite this double reminder, I love that dad’s death is so closely connected to Easter; while I grieve his loss I am also reminded of his new life in Christ.

Below is a poem from my first book, The Wind and the Shadows, called “Once More.” I wrote it just a few weeks after dad died. It is full of grief but also shows my heart turning to the hope of new life. I pray it is helpful to someone else who is grieving a loved one.

Once More
for Dad

I learn that a friend had twins yesterday,
a year to the day after her mother died.

As I go my way, I smile.
My mind drifts to a scene
of grass and flowers growing back
at time-lapse speed
over a grave site.

What is mortal
is swallowed up by life.

My own father’s death
is just a few weeks past.
The ground by his headstone
is broken and churning; 
hard clods lay on top
like fists;
though the dirt was replaced 
the hole remains,
a scar in the grass.

But the spring rains will come,
whispering, hushing.
They will wash and settle
the churning ground.
Even the clods will soften
and open.
 
Underneath,
roots will mend
their torn fabric;
shoots will find their way up
through the broken places, 
and flowers will lift their faces to the sun

once more.